Need legal advice

[tntmo 1022]

I'm not going to go into the details here, but can anyone recommend a divorce attorney to me?

[KIP 0]

I'm not going to go into the details here, but can anyone recommend a divorce attorney to me?

You should interview two or three before you make a selection. I can personally recommend this attorney:

http://local.yahoo.com/info-20794801-keeli...john-h-el-cajon

[paulmbowers 236]

No, I won't.

I would highly recommend mediation as an alternative to the courts. The National Conflict Resolution Center is a San Diego based organization dedicated to mutually satisfying resolution to conflicts.

In divorce cases, especially if there are children involved, reducing the amount of acrimony and seeking a non-combative option can save HUGE amounts of time, money and energy for everyone. The amount of money attorneys make in divorce cases is nearly criminal, and the system as it currently exists rewards attorneys when the conflict is escalated and extended- not by mutually agreed quick and thoughtful fair settlements. In short, it's in lawyers best interest to escalate acrimony.

Mediation is also a process that reduces the damage to both parties in a divorce, and promotes healing and the ability to move forward in life rather than much of the very damaging and negative fallout typical with litigious decisions.

I have personally trained as a mediator with the National Conflict Resolution Center, and met several of their mediators as well as their president. My wife has been on their Board of Directors for several years. Their mediators are usually attorneys who have become unsatisfied with the system and seek to improve resolution outside the system. Their success rate is very high.

Here's the link:

http://www.ncrconline.com/

If I were near a divorce, this would be my first call after family therapy.

Good luck, and my condolences to whomever is involved. I'm a divorce rookie compared to some of my friends on this board, but once is enough for me, believe me.

[KIP 0]

I would highly recommend mediation as an alternative to the courts.

That's fine - unless you need to go ex-parte in front of a Judge because you wife Cleaned out your home-equity line and bank accounts and cancelled your credit-card. I am not bitter...anymore.

[tntmo 1022]

I would highly recommend mediation as an alternative to the courts.

That's fine - unless you need to go ex-parte in front of a Judge because you wife Cleaned out your home-equity line and bank accounts and cancelled your credit-card. I am not bitter...anymore.

There is no crazy spending or anyting like that going on, but when only one member of the marriage is willing to work on it and the other one refuses to, then I doubt family counseling is in the cards. As much as I don't like it or want it to happen, I will respect the decision. I'll look into the mediation thing.

[TrophyHunter 15]

KERSHEK AND SHULAR

14261 Danielson St

Poway, CA 92064 Map

• (619) 321-6665
  

Mark Shular is a fair, noncombative (but will represent your interests) guy. He let me keep the costs down as I did some of my own research, wrote some of the arguments & he just read, approved and put on letterhead.

Take Fakey's advice first but if it doesn't work, Mark's a safe bet.

If you ever need to talk, even at odd hours, call me. No matter how it goes, it's a tough thing to go thru.

[dirt dame 662]

[ADV Bum 207]

Is there a SDAR discount on one? Maybe we should keep one on retainer around here.

Sorry to hear the bad news. Hope you can work it out in mediation. Good luck.

[sandiegoland 0]

No expertise and don't have much space at the moment... but never hesitate to ask the group to pick up or store anything for you, help move, etc... don't get burdened with tasks others would be more than happy to do for you.

[Erick 0]

No expertise and don't have much space at the moment... but never hesitate to ask the group to pick up or store anything for you, help move, etc... don't get burdened with tasks others would be more than happy to do for you.

I second that... Feel free to PM me with anything you may need. Sorry you have to deal with this bro...

[bikeslut 1]

Crap, Tom...that sucks

Fake Name gives good advice (this time)...I helped my ex-wife through her first divorce (confused yet?) And they each had lawyers...lawyers make less money if everything is agreeable...so they are disagreeable. By the time it was over, both parties ended up with big bills, a lot of animosity and the furniture

We she and I divorced, however, we used a paralegal and some common sense. Not to say it was easy, but at least it wasn't a huge financial drain. No court time, little legal fees, and no hassle

I feel for you and hope everything works out for you and the kids

[paulmbowers 236]

Not to beat a dead xr650, but mediation also promotes agreement and reduces personal animosity and emotional damage. One of my worst nightmares is divorce- not personally, but for our child. Mediation can help lubricate the complex relationships surrounding divorce, thus reducing the amount of rancor and animosity to which the children are exposed.

As Kip pointed out, there are times when the courts are the only way. But those are truly very rare.

[tntmo 1022]

Thanks for the good advice so far, I really appreciate it. So far there is no animosity, the biggest point of contention is that I want to work it out and she doesn't. I can only try so much to change a persons mind, if it is set then it's time to move on. So far everything is civil, but I know how quickly these things change when children and money are involved. Got a breakfast date soon, will bring up the mediation deal.

[Crawdaddy 97]

KERSHEK AND SHULAR

14261 Danielson St

Poway, CA 92064 Map

• (619) 321-6665
  

Mark Shular is a fair, noncombative (but will represent your interests) guy. He let me keep the costs down as I did some of my own research, wrote some of the arguments & he just read, approved and put on letterhead.

Take Fakey's advice first but if it doesn't work, Mark's a safe bet.

If you ever need to talk, even at odd hours, call me. No matter how it goes, it's a tough thing to go thru.

+1 - Denny Kershek is a personal friend of mine and he'll look after the kids best interests/your best interests.....

However, another friend of mine is a veteran/therapist who counsels couples facing "issues".....I'd suggest starting with Walt if your wife is open to exploration: http://www.drwaltr.com/

[blind_in_1_ear 0]

just remember the love SDAR has for you!!

add me to the "if you need ANYTHING" call list.

Blind

[paulmbowers 236]

However, another friend of mine is a veteran/therapist who counsels couples facing "issues".....I'd suggest starting with Walt if your wife is open to exploration: http://www.drwaltr.com/

Not to get all touchy-feely on ya, but I suggest going by yourself even if she's not. If you're truly interested in keeping it together, that's the first step.

Worst case, it will help you and yours with the transition if she's determined to divorce.

Be careful selecting therapists- therapy is a very feminine environment and good solid ones are hard to find. But if Crawdad endorses, I'd believe him.

[Zenosan 2]

Good luck Tom, I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

But if it would make you feel any better-

"Flies are born to be eaten by spiders and men to be devoured by sorrows!"

A. Schopenhauer

[HVYWT 3]

I feel for you ! Some spot on things have been said about this. Sometimes thing that happen have no good reason to one side, but that's all the other can see. So don't take it personal, easy to say,but for real it would (will) eat at you, if you let it.

Lawyers are bottom feeders and will take you, that's is what they do. The more you fight the richer they get!

Did I say

LAWYERS SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Yeti 0]

I feel for you ! Some spot on things have been said about this. Sometimes thing that happen have no good reason to one side, but that's all the other can see. So don't take it personal, easy to say,but for real it would (will) eat at you, if you let it.

Lawyers are bottom feeders and will take you, that's is what they do. The more you fight the richer they get!

Did I say

LAWYERS SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not including the above, there's some very good advice in here. Especially the mediation parts.

[HVYWT 3]

I feel for you ! Some spot on things have been said about this. Sometimes thing that happen have no good reason to one side, but that's all the other can see. So don't take it personal, easy to say,but for real it would (will) eat at you, if you let it.

Lawyers are bottom feeders and will take you, that's is what they do. The more you fight the richer they get!

Did I say

LAWYERS SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not including the above, there's some very good advice in here. Especially the mediation parts.

OUCH.

[hoss314 0]

Thanks for the good advice so far, I really appreciate it. So far there is no animosity, the biggest point of contention is that I want to work it out and she doesn't. I can only try so much to change a persons mind, if it is set then it's time to move on. So far everything is civil, but I know how quickly these things change when children and money are involved. Got a breakfast date soon, will bring up the mediation deal.

I feel for ya........sounds like the exact same boat I was in over 5 years ago. Didn't go the way I wanted it to but....it went.

I tried counseling, mediation all of it and she wouldn't go. Fakey brings up a good idea that I didn't try..........going myself. Just need to be careful that there is no bias ideas.......may speed the unwanted process.

I do have an excellent fair priced paralegal if you need.

[tntmo 1022]

Had a civil breakfast this morning....I think she wasn't expecting me to be so accepting of the situation? I suggested that we get separate bank accounts, close the credit cards, etc and get this whole process in motion. I also said if we are going to do anything, it should be divorce and not separation since her mind was made up.

Guess her mind isn't made up because the reality was hitting home and she has throttled way back now. I don't know if things will work out, but at least she is willing to try and that is a huge step in the right direction. We wrote down a few things, basic rules to follow. We are going to counseling, also a divorce/separation class and financial counseling. My hope is that we will either come out of this as a better couple or better individuals.

Thanks for the advice, I'm taking it day by day and always hoping for the best and expecting the worst.

[650hucker 0]

I really hope it works out for you guys. Especially for the kids. Divorce is pretty nasty on my friends.

[paulmbowers 236]

We wrote down a few things, basic rules to follow. We are going to counseling, also a divorce/separation class and financial counseling. My hope is that we will either come out of this as a better couple or better individuals.

That's good. Very good.

[kevinsinvegas 0]

I wouldn't wish divorce on anyone. Unfortunately I'm going through it right now, and it sucks. Never expected it to happen to me, but it will get better. I will have a lot more time to ride!!!